He is my happiness, and my sadness at the same times.

You know what? you have to do something right now..
I'm here. on my weekend. in my 3rd year being a medical student. I just sit here, on my room, with my pajamas, looking at my phone, waiting for some texts, watching Grey's Anatomy, eating some snacks, and waiting my weight to increase.
What I think over and over again right now is, what am I supposed to do?
Yeah, when I know someone and I thought that he was changed for me (in good ways) but then I have to accept the truth that he doesn't change. At all.
You know how does it feel when you hang on into something and you hope something really big and something really good from it, but then you know all you got is...uhm...Nothing.
It hurts, you know. when you are hoping too much for something, but then you just.... yeah.. kind of falling apart into pieces. And then all you have to do is collecting the pieces of your "pieces" and then put them back together.
I don't know why I have to cry over it. over you. over...everything. Or maybe I'm just tired. Yes, tired from being someone that put her happiness into you.
He made me smile, He did.
He made me fall in love. He did.
But on the same time, He failed me. Yes, He did.
SO, what now?
Someone told me that everyone deserves to be happy. So do I.
I'm worth it, I deserve my own happiness. but I'm just wondering, do I deserve my happiness from you? Or maybe, I don't.
And........I just decided to keep my hope. Keep hoping that he will change.
I'm not mad, I'm not insane. But maybe everyone will think that way.
All I think right now is, I deserve to fight for my happiness. and my happiness, is him.
everyone said to me that happiness doesn't always come from him, it can be coming from anything.
But I just keep believing, that mine is coming from him. Because I was happy when I saw he smiled at me. I was happy when I saw he laugh. I was happy when he kissed me. I was happy when his arms around my head. I was happy when he called me.
He is my happiness, and my sadness at the same times.
Look, everyone will say "how pathetic she is". But I just don't care.
I just...love him.